There have been a lot of movies based on video games. There is the upcoming Uncharted movie, world of Warcraft and some other video game movie that Uwe Boll is going to direct. For whatever reason, video game movies do not work well. It is hard to truly understand why this is. Some might say that stories in video games are used as a simple excuse to give the player a reason for all the things happening on screen.
The truth is, many video games genres don’t have much there for a screenwriter or a director. FPS, platformers and fighting games tend to have very little to no story whatsoever, which leaves the writers and directors with a lot of improvising. So instead of looking forward to movies that we all know are not going to be great, let us look at some movies that could be good video games for the PS4, Xbox One, and the PC. These video games can’t be worst than most video game movies right?
We all have done some kinky stuff will inserting ourselves into someone, whether it’s a little dirty talk or tying four Japanese women in your basement and watching them through a two way mirror while you rub extra virgin coconut oil all over your body (which reminds me, I forgot to feed them). Here for the first suggestion, we have a game that is based on the best carnal pleasures one could experience. Hellraiser saw a aborted NES title back in the 90’s, but this is a title that could be great today.
Story: Here you would play a construction worker who has a knack for puzzles, and you come into possession of the Lament Configuration (How would you come into possession of the box? I have no clue, that’s why I’m not a writer for Naught Dog). You will foolishly unleash Pinhead and his S&M freaks and be transported into their realm of ball bags, chains, whips, and anal beads. You will have to escape their hell and find your way back to Earth.
Gameplay: This game will be a survival horror game that test your level of stealth and your ability to spot herpes infested monsters. The only weapons would be your trusty tools around your tool belt. Just imagine having to hide, run, or even fight some of these monsters. The biggest horror experience you will come across will be fighting a giant genital wart boss that would turned you into one if its wart faces on its flesh. At the end you will face off against Pinhead himself and that is where your reliable hammer comes in handy.
The ultimate male power fantasy: playing as a half naked, sweaty, and ripped dude killing Persians. 300 would play as a better version of Ryse without all the quick time events and a lot better looking people. The ripped and washboard abs would look great in 1080p.
Story: This game would just follow the same linear path the movie took. The only difference is the inclusion of a multiplayer mode similar to a hoard mode from Gears of War. Here you and your friends will face off against waves and waves of Persian men wearing overpriced designer jeans and purple fanny packs. You will play as a random generic Spartan soldier who partakes in the Battle of Thermopylae, also known as the most unfair fight of all time.
Gameplay: This game will be a action adventure game similar to God of War. The majority of the time you will spend on a hardcore workout regimen (How else are you going to look like them?) with the final two hours of the ten hour campaign actually fighting against the Persians.The final boss fight will be against that giant bald dude in a 2D fighting platform similar to Mortal Kombat. Once the game is completed, you will be able to disable slow motion mode, which would make the ten hour campaign into a ten minute game.
2. Kill Bill
Here is one of Quentin Tarantino’s most brutal films that revolve around a badass women who is out for revenge and is killing everyone in her way to do so. Kill Bill sounds like a lot of video games out there right now. Going out on a revenge crusade and chopping off limbs like in Dead Space only replacing the alien zombies with short Japanese men and a guy named Buck and replacing the plasma cutter with a samurai sword.
Story: The game begins at the wedding of our unfortunate protagonist; you. After waking up with Buck trying to slip himself inside of you, you set off looking for Bill. The game will be different from the movie when it comes to the time that events take place. There would be no flashbacks, only a linear timeline where the only objective is to find Bill and kill him, possibly by hanging him while he is masturbating.
Gameplay: The game will be a action adventure game where the player fights off room full of Asian men wearing black mask and facing off against the other assassins from the Dead Viper Assassination Squad. The combat system will be composed of badass sword fighting that would make the best hack and slash games cry. The ladies from the Viper Squad: Ishii, Green, Driver, and Fatale will serve as bosses throughout the game. The final boss battle is against Bill himself. The epic battle will include finger poking to the chest and sweet revenge.
1. Escape from New York
If you watched this movie, you would know that it would make a great video game. Escape from New York is the perfect title and would be the best movie video game since Goldeneye.
Story: The game will be set in the future where crime is everywhere and people are not safe leaving their homes: or it could take place in modern day Detroit. You would play as Snake, no not that Snake, you will play as Snake Plissken. Snake Plissken is in charged of rescuing the president, who was captured by prisoners when his plane went down in a high security prison. Snake will sneak in, presumably in a cardboard box, and get the president and escape.
Gameplay: The game will be a action stealth game where sneaking past the inmates is crucial. There will of course be gun fire, hand to hand combat and explosions when things get out of control. There will be a blend of Uncharted along with Dishonored. You will have the chance to play this game anyway you want. It can be played by shooting your way to save the president or it could be done through a more silent approach. The final boss battle is against Duke, and this time the president is not there to save you.
There it is, a list of movies that should be made into video games, hopefully the trend of bad video game movies does not set in with these ideas…hopefully.